


[Tsutsuji] Brittle Words That Break Walls

by BridgetMcKennitt



Category: Hikaru no Go
Genre: Anger, Community: blind_go, Hair-pulling, Hand Jobs, Handholding During Sex, M/M, Miscommunication, Mutual Masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2016-07-17
Packaged: 2018-06-06 01:26:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6732163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BridgetMcKennitt/pseuds/BridgetMcKennitt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It'd been a month since Akira left for Korea, even longer since the last time Hikaru spoke to Akira without harsh words between them. There was so much anger in Hikaru that he doesn't know how to get back to normal without Akira by his side.</p>
            </blockquote>





	[Tsutsuji] Brittle Words That Break Walls

Hikaru was just about to place his stone on the goban when he noticed Akira standing in the doorway. Their eyes met for a brief moment and Hikaru scowled. Akira had returned out of nowhere and didn't even bother to give him a heads up that he was back in Japan. Akira barely acknowledged him as he turned around and walked out of the room. Hikaru felt himself thrown back to when they were teenagers and Akira ignored him. He hated that feeling.

"Shindou? Are you going to go?" Isumi asked and Hikaru blinked himself out of his thoughts.

"Uh, sorry. I was thinking." Hikaru placed a stone on the goban.

Waya was sitting on the side watching Hikaru and Isumi's game and, when Waya glanced at the doorway before glancing back at Hikaru, Hikaru felt exposed. Then Waya spoke. "Is something wrong, Shindou?"

Despite Hikaru shaking his head, Waya pressed on. "I didn't realize Touya was back in town. He's been gone awhile."

Akira had spent an entire month studying Go in Korea. Just up and left without saying a word to Hikaru that he was going. Hikaru only found out because he read about it in Go Weekly. "Yeah," Hikaru finally said. "He's been gone awhile." He tried to keep the bitterness out of his voice, but judging by the look on his friends' faces, he knew he failed. 

Isumi raised his eyebrow. "Shindou, what happened between the two of you? I know the two of you are rivals, but you're also friends with Touya."

"Nothing's wrong." He barely glanced at the goban before saying, "I resign." Hikaru ignored their outcry as he stood up and walked out of the room.

He was lying, everything was wrong. Hikaru walked out of the Go Institute with no destination in mind. He was angry at Akira and he didn't know how to stop being so angry at him. A few months ago, he met Akira in the semi-finals for the kisei title. Hikaru gave it everything he had, but he lost to Akira by half a moku. That wasn't why he was angry. They'd played hundreds of games together over the years and Hikaru was used to losing to Akira. No, it was the fact that Akira lost horribly to the title holder. Hikaru watched that game and knew it was a game Akira could have won. _Hikaru_ could have won it. It was infuriating that Akira lost and Hikaru told him so repeatedly. 

Soon after, Akira flew to Korea and left Hikaru behind. But now Akira was back and wasn't giving Hikaru the time of day. _Fine_. He didn't need Akira in his life. Hikaru was twenty-two years old and he could manage without him.

Without realizing it, Hikaru somehow managed to find his way outside of the Go salon owned by the Touyas. He hadn't been inside in over a month, not since his fight with Akira. This was Akira's domain and it didn't feel right to go there without Akira. Nothing felt right without Akira.

Hikaru scowled. Except Akira was getting along without him just fine. He scoured for any word of Akira and found that Akira had become good friends with Ko Yeong-ha. They were spotted playing Go all over the place, laughing and smiling for the cameras. It made Hikaru _sick_ and yet he couldn't stop looking up more news about Akira.

Akira wasn't at the Go salon anyway. He was at the Go Institute just like everyone else was. Hikaru didn't have an official match today, he just wanted to play some rounds with Isumi, but now that Akira was back, everything changed. The anger was still there and Hikaru didn't know what to do with it.

Hikaru clenched his fists and continued walking past the salon. If Akira didn't need him, then Hikaru didn't need Akira. There were plenty of other people who could become his rival.

*

It wasn't hard to avoid Akira at the Go Institute the next few weeks. It seemed like Akira was doing the same to Hikaru which was just _fine_. Hikaru hung out with his friends, tried not to think about missing Akira, and won his games.

He'd changed. Hikaru heard the whispers behind his back. His Go was more ruthless and he showed no mercy to his opponents. He couldn't help it though. Every time he played Go in his official games, he thought about Akira and how much he wanted to punish him for his silence and absence. They should be playing games against each other, not Akira playing games against someone like Ko Yeong-ha.

It just wasn't fair that Akira made him feel this way, like he was chasing after him all over again. Except there wasn't a clear end this time around. He was stuck in this loop for the time being and Hikaru hated that thought.

When the invitation to a Go festival arrived in the mail, Hikaru was ready for a change of scenery. Perhaps playing against non-pros would help calm his game down. He just wanted to feel normal again.

Hikaru dressed in his suit and headed towards the hotel with his suitcase in hand where the Go festival was taking place. It was running for an entire week and Hikaru decided it'd be prudent if he booked a hotel room instead of coming and going everyday from home. He checked in and dropped off his suitcase in his room. Waya said he'd be at the festival early and he wanted to check out the booths before they had to work.

He called Waya to find out where he was and got into the elevator to head downstairs to the area of the hotel where the festival was happening. There were banners hanging from the ceiling of the large conference room and booths lined up everywhere. In the distance, Hikaru saw a stage with a podium on it.

Hikaru found Waya and Honda at a stall looking at paintings of famous kifus. He greeted them as he looked at a painting of Shuusaku's kifu. It was rare for him to smile nowadays, but he couldn't help but smile as he recognized Sai in it.

"Hey, Hikaru," Waya said. "What do they have you scheduled for? I actually lucked out and get to be an announcer for some games along with playing some." He laughed. "Not bad, if I do say so myself."

Hikaru had been an announcer only once in his pro career and midway through, he was kicked off. Perhaps it wasn't the best idea to have him announce for Akira's game because he wasn't allowed to ever announce again. He tried not to scowl at the thought of Akira. This was a pleasant occasion and he was with his friends doing something he loved. Akira didn't factor into it at all.

"That's great, Waya. I'm just here playing games." Hikaru turned to Honda. "What about you?"

Honda grinned sheepishly as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Teaching games. I'm nowhere near big named enough to do anything else."

Waya slapped Honda on the back. "You'll get there. Go is an endless journey and not everyone can zoom through like Shindou here. He's going to get a title before long."

"Maybe." Hikaru didn't want to talk about titles. "Hey, let's see if there's any food stalls around here. I'm getting hungry." He grabbed both of their arms and dragged them further into the festival.

It was a fun couple of hours of distraction as they walked from booth to booth. There weren't any official games until the next day, so Hikaru had time to roam. Fatigue hit him suddenly, so Hikaru bid his friends goodbye and headed to his room to take a nap.

As the elevator doors opened, he stepped out into the hallway towards his room. Hikaru kept his head down as he patted his pockets for his key card. The hallway had been clear when he got out, but Hikaru bumped hard into someone or something, and he stumbled back. When Hikaru looked up, he wished he had been looking out the entire time because it was Akira he bumped into.

The anger returned full force inside of him and Hikaru scowled. "Watch where you're going, Touya."

He turned aside to walk around Akira when Akira's hand shot out and grabbed Hikaru's wrist. Hikaru looked down at Akira's hand before looking back up at Akira. "Let go of me."

Akira shook his head before staring intensely at him. "No. You've been avoiding me and we need to talk."

"We really don't." Hikaru tried pulling his wrist out of Akira's grasp, but Akira didn't loosen his hold on him. "Touya, let me go."

"And I said no. I want to know why you've been avoiding me all this time."

Hikaru stared at him with disbelief. _He_ was avoiding Akira? It was more like Akira had been avoiding him! Akira ran all the way to Korea just to avoid him. If anyone needed answers, it was Hikaru, not Akira. He clenched his fist and fought not to slug Akira for his hypocrisy.

"You've got it all wrong, Touya. You're the one who is doing the avoiding between the two of us, all the way to Korea to play and learn from Ko Yeong-ha. What is he to you, huh? Are you replacing me as your rival?" His scowl deepened. Ko Yeong-ha was a really good player, but Akira was _his_ rival, not Ko's. "I don't plan on looking at your back forever!"

Akira looked taken aback as Hikaru shouted at him. "Shindou, you're always going to be my rival. There is no one in this world or the afterlife that I'd rather play against than you. That will never change. And I know you're not going to be looking at my back forever. Every step you take is a step I feel. You're no longer at my back." He squeezed Hikaru's wrist. "You're walking alongside me. You have for some time."

Hikaru blinked in surprise as Akira furrowed his brow. If that was the case, then why didn't he _feel_ like he was Akira's equal? Because he didn't. He still felt like he was constantly chasing Akira.

Akira pulled Hikaru towards him until their faces were an inch apart from another. It'd been so long since they were this close to each other that Hikaru allowed Akira to do so without a fight. He missed Akira so much.

" _Hikaru_." There was so much emotion forced into his first name that Hikaru focused completely on Akira. "I miss you and I want you back in my life. I love you."

Hikaru's eyes widened as he processed Akira's words. Akira loved him? When did that happen? But as the words danced inside of him, he knew that he felt the same way about Akira. Everything was Akira. With his other hand, Hikaru grabbed Akira's wrist and dragged him towards his hotel room. On the way there, their hands found each other as their fingers laced together. He didn't have to look back at Akira to know that whatever that was going to happen next was something that was a long time coming for them.

Hikaru took out his key card from his pocket and inserted it to open the door. Once they were inside, Hikaru turned to Akira. "I missed you, too," he admitted. "I missed you so much." He shut his eyes to block out the sight of Akira. "I was so frustrated with my Go when I lost to you, then I was even more frustrated when you lost the title. Yours, mine, it should have belonged to one of us and you lost. I hated it, I hated being frustrated with our Go because I love it." He took a deep breath and opened his eyes. "I love you. You and Go are one and the same to me."

Akira pushed Hikaru against the back of the door, taking Hikaru by surprise. There was an intense light in Akira's eyes as he clutched at Hikaru's shoulders. "You love me." He inhaled sharply. "We've been idiots for too long."

They had been, but before Hikaru could say anything in response, Akira pressed their lips together in a kiss. Hikaru had never kissed anyone before, but it was Akira. He trusted Akira with everything he had and Hikaru tilted his chin and kissed him back. The kiss was sloppy because both of them were too wired up to take it slow, but it was right. Neither of them had ever been prim and proper when it came to each other.

They stumbled into bed with Akira on top of him, Akira's hair spilling down around them. Hikaru couldn't help lifting a hand to grab a fistful of Akira's hair between his fingers and pulling slightly. Not enough to hurt, but as a reminder to Akira that he was here and he was his equal. Akira responded with biting at Hikaru's bottom lip as he stared down at him.

When Akira sat up, Hikaru released his hair, letting the strands fall away from his fingers. He noticed at that moment that his other hand was still connected with Akira's hand. Hikaru squeezed Akira's hand.

"Akira," he said.

Akira lowered his head so his long hair framed them. There was a smile on his lips that Hikaru hadn't seen in quite some time, and just seeing it made him lighter in his chest. He wanted to reach up and touch Akira's lips, to touch that smile.

"When I was in Korea, I thought my loneliness was a physical thing that followed me from goban to goban. I saw your shadow wherever I went. It was horrible." Akira brought up their joined hands to kiss the back of Hikaru's hand. "But it was more horrible to be in Japan and feeling your hate like a living thing."

"I didn't hate you." Hikaru took a deep breath. "But it must have felt like it just the same."

Akira nodded. "It did. A guy can get addicted to your bright spirit and anything less is unacceptable. Hikaru, you're the only one for me."

"Good. If I ever see you with Ko Yeong-ha again, I'm going to punch his smug face."

Akira rolled his eyes. "There was never anything between Ko Yeong-ha and I except games. Considering I'm on top of you right now and about to get naked should mean everything."

Hikaru laughed, feeling some of his fighting spirit back. He definitely missed Akira. "I don't see you naked right now, Akira. You're still wearing your stupid suit."

Akira scoffed as he raised his free hand to yank at his tie. "That is easily fixed." He released Hikaru's hand and began taking off his suit.

Not to be outdone, Hikaru began pulling at his own clothes. He wasn't going to let Akira be the only naked one in the room, not when it was much better if they were both naked. Being naked promised a lot of pleasure for them. It took some coordination for him to get his pants off, but Akira helped him. Soon they were both naked and on their knees on the bed.

He had never seen Akira naked before, or anyone else really. Hikaru didn't know what he'd been expecting, but Akira looked normal. No, better than normal. He looked good and Hikaru reached out to grab Akira's hand once more. He pressed his forehead against Akira's and smiled.

"You're beautiful," he said. "I want to kiss you again."

Akira raised a hand to Hikaru's cheek and drew him in to kiss him as he laced their fingers together with their other hand. Hikaru got into it as he slipped his tongue into Akira's mouth, the kiss growing sloppy with each passing minute.

It was so good kissing Akira. He wanted to do it for the rest of his life.

Hikaru's cock became hard during the kiss, but he didn't want to break the kiss in order to do anything about it. Fortunately, Akira was on the same wavelength as him because Akira dropped his hand that was on Hikaru's face and curled it around both of their cocks. Hikaru shuddered at the touch. Akira's hand and cock were warm and he leaned into it, wanting more.

When Akira dragged his hand up and down on their cocks, Hikaru shuddered again. No wonder Waya couldn't stop talking about sex if this was how great it felt. But he couldn't let Akira take sole control of this encounter, just like he couldn't whenever they played Go. He dropped his other hand and placed it right on top of Akira's hand. Hikaru opened his eyes to meet Akira's gaze with a challenging look.

Akira chuckled against his lips and withdrew just a centimeter back. "Hikaru, you're so predictable. Do you really think you can do better than me?"

Hikaru snorted. "You know I can." This wasn't a surprise, honestly. They couldn't help challenging each other in everything they did. Why not when they're having sex?

He tightened his hand and began taking control of how hard and fast their hands worked on their cocks. His fingers slipped between Akira's fingers and he touched Akira's cock for the first time. Later, he was going to explore Akira's cock a lot more thoroughly, but for now, he was going to get the both of them off.

His breath was heavy as he continued fisting their cocks. The little noises that escaped from Akira's mouth were delightful to hear. Hikaru chased after those noises with every jerk and twist from their hands.

Akira fell forward, his forehead braced against Hikaru's shoulder as he shuddered and came between them. Hikaru's hand was soaked with Akira's come and it was such a turn on that he grunted and came himself, adding to the mess.

They collapsed onto the bed together and it was then that Hikaru realized they were still holding hands. Hikaru raised their joint hands up to his mouth and kissed Akira's hand. He couldn't help but feel thrilled and giddy over what had occurred.

Akira rolled onto his side to face Hikaru, giving Hikaru a tired smile. "I've missed you."

"Well, next time don't run away from me."

Akira snorted and this time it was his turn to press a kiss to Hikaru's hand. "Next time don't withdraw from me in a snit. We're in this together, you know. We've always had been."

"Yeah, we have." This time Hikaru wasn't letting Akira go.


End file.
